He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
