I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
