I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
