The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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