wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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