did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I looked at my own cervix.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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