Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
accomplished twins. life is a go
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
