i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
