Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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