i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
