Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
