Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
