If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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