If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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