My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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