he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
