where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need help removing her.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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