i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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