No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
