found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
