Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
