I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
