So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
