bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
