I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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