Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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