I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
