she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
