any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
