i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
