Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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