I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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