Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
