we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
