So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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