dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
