Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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