I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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