Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
