i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
