i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
