my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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