never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
