You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
