Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
