as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
