Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
