it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I AM VODKA MAN
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
