I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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