Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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