I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
