you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
