dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Enjoy the penises
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
