You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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