let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
